I am a middle kid. My older brother is the golden child and my sister is the baby and always got her way. I was mostly ignored. I was fine with it. I got into lots of trouble but my parents didn’t really care enough to either punish me or help me through it.
My guidance counselor in high school took an interest in me though. She saw something. I hope that everyone who needs it has someone like her. She saw that my parents didn’t really get involved in my education. She stepped up. She helped me find out what I love. She motivated me enough that I got a full ride scholarship. Which was good because my parents had dick all for me.
I’m thirty now and planning my wedding. It’s going to be a destination wedding because I want it small. We are paying for our six guests to come. My future inlaws (mom, dad, brother, and sister) and my maternal grandparents. That’s it. We are going to have a big party for friends and family when we get back.
I’m not NC with my family I just don’t make any effort to talk to them and they reciprocate. They did find out about the wedding though.
They all want to come. I said that they were welcome and I sent them invitations. They asked if I needed anything to set up their travel plans. I said that they needed to get there on their own. They were invited but I wasn’t paying.
They said that they had raised me better than that and that I was paying for my fiancee’s family so I should pay for them too. Hard no. Hard. I told them that the fact was that my fiancee is the one paying. She earns about the same as me but she has a settlement from her first marriage. (I did not tell them about the settlement)
They again said they raised me better than to ignore family.
The same people who skipped my graduation from high school and university. I have a million other examples but I think that says it all.
I just replied that I was happy that they were interested in being part of my wedding day and that I hoped they could make it but fully understood if they gave it a pass. I said that they were the ones who raised me to think of myself as not really being a part of their family so I was actually behaving exactly like they raised me.